The Diary Remembers
by redoctoberrose
Summary: Rin and Aiichiro have been dating for the past three weeks, but when Ai gets called home over the weekend and has an accident, he loses his memory going back almost to the tournament. As he reads his diary to catch up on his life, Rin frets about what he'll say when he finds out they're actually a couple.


_Better get this up now, before the new season airs and messes up the timing of this fic ^^; It's been a while since I wrote a rintori fic worth sharing, so I hope this one is good! It ended up a lot longer than I expected._

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A brisk September breeze hit Rin's face as he stepped out of the aquatic center. Practice had just ended for the day, and it couldn't have come to a close soon enough. It was Saturday, so there were no regular classes, but he still had his training schedule to maintain, as much as he didn't want to on this particular day. It was difficult, in the absence of one certain person, to motivate himself.

After having his walls broken down by his childhood teammates during the tournament that summer, Rin had found himself able to accept feelings of friendship once more. And not only with his old friends, but with new ones, too. In the time since, he had begun spending more time with his kouhai and roommate, Nitori Aiichiro, whom he now referred to as Ai. And it was Ai who was missing from his day and messing with his concentration.

Four weeks ago, his feelings of friendship toward the first-year had started to become something... more. He realized it when he was taking Ai out for lunch after practice one afternoon. The way he smiled, the way he laughed, and the way he said Rin's name, with such affection and admiration, all suddenly struck him. It was like having an ice cube dropped down the back of his shirt; sudden, alarming, heart pumping. Coming to the realization that he was falling for him was scary for Rin, at first. But as he paid more attention, he began to notice things that suggested that maybe, just maybe, Ai felt the same way.

Rin could only hold it in for a week before he finally blurted out an awkward confession to the gray-haired teen while they were getting ready for bed. Naturally, Ai was taken aback by it, but to Rin's surprise and delight, his response was a bright blush, a shy smile, and a confession of his own. They shared their first kiss, a goodnight kiss, before deciding to talk it over in the morning, then both proceeded to pretend to sleep the whole night.

The reason for Ai's absence this weekend was that he was called home by his parents. It was nothing serious, he had assured Rin, but he wouldn't be back until Sunday evening. Even though they would only be spending a short time apart, Rin missed the idle chatter of walking back to the dorm building together. He missed closing the door to their room and stealing a kiss. For the past several nights prior to Ai's departure, they had taken to sleeping together in Rin's bed, and to have his first night without him again, he missed the warmth of his smaller body cradled in his arms.

"Damn, I'm pathetic," Rin mumbled to himself as he pulled open the door to the dorm building.

"Ah, Matsuoka-kun," the attendant at the front desk called out. "Please come here for a moment."

"Huh?" Rin cocked a brow, but obeyed. It was unusual to be called over unless you broke curfew or had a call come in from home.

As Rin approached, the attendant straightened himself in the chair. His expression was serious, which concerned Rin. "Matsuoka-kun, we've had a call."

Rin gulped. "Was it my mom?" He asked. "Is everything alright?"

"No, it wasn't your mother," the man shook his head. "It was your roommate, Nitori-kun's, mother. There's been an accident, and-"

"An accident?" Rin repeated anxiously. "Ai, is he..?"

"Nitori-kun will be alright, but-"

"_Will_ be?!" Rin's face went pale.

"Physically, he's fine, but," the attendant paused and sighed. "He has some memory loss."

Rin stood with his jaw dropped. "How much memory loss?" He finally managed ask weakly.

"The last thing he remembers clearly is coming home from the tournament, and he has spotty memory between then and five weeks ago."

"So, he doesn't remember anything from five weeks ago to now?"

"That appears to be the case," the attended affirmed. "The doctors have cleared him to return to school, so as his roommate and his senpai, please help him as best you can, Matsuoka-kun."

"O-of course," Rin replied, his whole body beginning to shake. "So, he's not hurt or anything?"

"No, he's not hurt."

"At least there's that, then," Rin mumbled. "Is there anything else, or can I go up to my room now?"

"You may go," the attendant nodded. "Nitori-kun will be back tomorrow."

"Thanks," Rin choked out before quickly rounding the desk and heading for the stairwell. By the time he made it to the fourth floor, he was fighting back tears. He should be happy that his boyfriend was alright, but when he thought about that, he remembered that now Ai wouldn't even know that he was his boyfriend. As far as Ai would remember, they were just roommates, just senpai and kouhai, who happened to get along alright.

And that hurt.

In the morning, Rin jogged a longer route than usual, trying to clear his head. All he could think about during the night was how he should react when Ai came back. Obviously he couldn't greet him with a kiss like he had originally planned, but he didn't want to act like he hadn't even missed him. And what should he say? "Good to see you," "Glad you're not hurt," "Oh, you're back?" Rin slowed to a stop and groaned. He knew from his discussions with Ai that the kid had been crushing on him long before he realized, but he knew it would be too much of a shock for him to just outright tell him that they've been dating for the past three weeks. Keeping his "boyfriend-mode" in check was going to be difficult, but he knew it would be better for Ai that way.

The most pressing question Rin had was, is the memory loss permanent? Maybe Ai would only be out of it for a few days, and he really had nothing to worry about. But what if it never came back? He didn't want to lose his boyfriend. He would confess to him and start all over again, if it came to it. But they'd had some good memories together that Rin just couldn't bear to think Ai would never get back. The first time he let Ai sleep in his bed had meant so much to him- Ai told him so the next morning. They hadn't done anything sexual, it was just the closeness of sleeping in each other's arms that made him so happy, so full of affection. Rin had never been so content to skip his morning jog as that first morning he woke up with Ai's head on his chest. He woke him slowly by petting his hair and murmuring softly to him, and the look of adoration when Ai finally opened his eyes and realized where he was and who he was with was a look Rin cherished.

Back in his room, after showering and getting dressed, Rin waited anxiously for Ai to return. He was supposed to come back in the evening, but because of the accident, he would be back before lunch. His parents had called again, this time directly to the room, and left a message saying so. They also asked Rin to please take care of their son, and apologized for putting such a burden on him. Not that Rin really saw it as a burden.

At 10 am, almost on the dot, Rin became alert to the sound of footsteps approaching the door. He held his breath when they stopped there and stood as he heard the doorknob turning. When Ai walked in, he smiled sheepishly at Rin.

"I'm back," he said.

Rin looked him up and down, double checking that there were, in fact, no injuries. "Welcome back," he replied at last, taking Ai's bag from him and slinging it onto the chair in front of his desk. The two stood in awkward silence.

"So, um, how's practice been going?" Ai asked.

"Good, good," Rin nodded. Then there was another pause, at which point Rin slumped down on the edge of his bed and Ai began unpacking. "So, you don't remember anything that's happened recently?"

Ai froze on his way to his closet. "I remember just after the tournament, and I have some hazy memories for a little while after, but I don't remember the last five weeks at all." He sighed. "I can't believe it's been that long. What am I going to do about my homework? What am I forgetting? Important things must have happened during that time, but I just can't remember anything!"

"Hey, calm down," Rin ordered gently. He watched Ai take a deep breath and waited for him to finish unpacking. When he was done, Rin motioned for him to come sit with him, and he did. "So, what happened, anyway? What kind of an accident was it?"

"Well, I don't remember, but I was told that I was knocked to the ground somehow and hit my head pretty hard. I just remember sitting in the middle of the sidewalk not knowing where I was, and then a police officer was there, and an ambulance showed up. I guess I was out for a few minutes."

"But you're not hurt?"

"I mean, my head is sore where I hit it, but the doctor said I'll be fine." Ai sighed. "When he started testing my memory, after I was so confused about where I was and how I got there, it was scary to learn how much time had passed. Well, I guess it's more like, how much time I'd forgotten."

Rin swallowed hard before asking the question he'd been dying to ask. "Did he say if it'll come back?"

"He didn't really know." Ai sighed again. "He said there was no permanent damage done, so it could come back, but there's no way of knowing if or when."

"That really sucks," Rin said quietly. He flinched. That was the best response he could come up with? "So, what are you going to do now?" He wanted so badly to reach out and grab Ai's hand, to comfort him and hold him close, but he knew he shouldn't.

"I guess the best way to get caught up with my life these past few weeks is to read my diary," Ai replied. "I hope I still keep it in the same place."

Rin clenched his jaw. That's right, Ai always kept a diary. Everything about their relationship would be in there, so maybe there was still hope. But, what if Ai read that far and decided not to date him again? He knew it was stupid to think that, the kid was head over heels for him, but that was how Ai was when he confessed. How did Ai feel about him, exactly, at the point in time his memory was at now? After all, before the tournament was over, he was a royal jackass toward everyone, including Ai, and Ai's memory at present wasn't too far beyond that time. Had he reached a point of forgiveness?

"Rin-senpai?" Ai snapped the brooding redhead from his thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Rin lied. "If you come across anything in there that you want to talk about, or have questions about, you can ask me, alright?"

"Sure," Ai replied. He stood up and dug around his desk for a moment before climbing up to his own bunk with his little diary tucked under his arm.

Even though Ai wasn't asking questions, Rin decided to stay in for the rest of the day just in case he needed anything. When they went to lunch together, Ai had only gotten a few days in, which almost relieved Rin. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous for him to find out that they were dating, but he was.

In the cafeteria, several members of the swim team came over to greet Ai. News had spread quickly, and Rin blamed Captain Mikoshiba for that. The Captain himself made an appearance, gently clapping his hand on the small boy's shoulder and assuring him that he was there if he needed anything.

After picking at his lunch for a while, Ai gave up and stood to clear his place. Rin hurried to finish before following after him, and the two returned to the dorm together.

"Rin-senpai, you didn't have to rush like that," Ai commented. "I remember how to get back to the room on my own."

"I know that," Rin grumbled. He tried to think of an excuse for why he wanted to walk back with him, but he couldn't come up with anything believable. "Just let me look out for you once in a while, alright?"

Ai raised a brow at him, but nodded his understanding. He could tell Rin was acting funny, but he wasn't sure why.

Sensing discomfort between them, Rin changed the subject. "It might make you happy to know that your time has been improving lately."

"Oh, really?" Ai perked up a little. "That's good." There was a pause, but then Ai spoke again, "I remember it being so hot before, but now it's getting cooler. It's strange."

"Yeah," Rin grunted. The cooler it got, the better for cuddling together it would be. But he had to forget about that for the time being. It was Ai who had said it just before he left, how it was so nice to have someone warm to sleep next to, and how he'd miss that while he was home. But that probably wasn't in the diary, and even if it was, reading about it and remembering it are two different things and Rin knew his life wouldn't fall back into place so easily.

Ai continued reading his diary silently until dinner time. Rin tried to occupy himself with homework, but once he finished that, he really had nothing to do. So when Ai climbed down from his bed and asked Rin if he wanted to go with him, Rin happily accepted.

"I've gotten pretty far now," Ai said as they walked to the cafeteria. "I started with the last day of the tournament, and I'm over two weeks out from there."

"That's good," Rin commented. "Has it helped you remember anything?"

"Well, remember how I said there were some hazy bits?"

"Yeah?"

"Reading about the context of them has helped me remember some things surrounding those memories, but I still don't remember everything about them." Ai shrugged. "It's something, anyway."

"That's right," Rin said encouragingly. "It is something, so stop looking so depressed."

"Eh?" Ai stopped, but Rin kept walking. "I'm not depressed!" He objected.

"Well, you're certainly not your usual self," Rin argued. "This has to be the first time you haven't asked me what I thought would be for dinner tonight."

"Oh, really?" Ai blushed a little, though it may have been from his quick sprint to catch up. "I guess I can get a little chatty..."

"Yeah, and your quietness in the room today has been a little eerie," Rin added. "So don't be afraid to say something if you want to say it, got it?"

"Sure," Ai grinned.

As evening turned to night, Ai continued to read, though he made a point to stop now and then and talk to Rin, who was grateful for the company. When it was time for bed, Rin hesitated to go to sleep. He knew Ai was still awake reading, and he knew he had to be getting close to the entry where he would've started recording their dating. But when Ai told him to go ahead to bed, that he was only going to read one more entry, Rin couldn't object.

In the morning, when Rin got up for his jog, Ai got up with him. "What are you doing this early in the morning?" Rin asked.

"I figured I'd do some more reading while you're out running," Ai replied, followed by a big yawn. "I want to get some reading done before school starts."

"Suit yourself," Rin shrugged. He finished tying in his shoes and left, inwardly expecting that when he got back, Ai would be asleep again.

What he actually found when he got back, however, was that Ai was very much awake, and very much flustered.

"Are you alright?" Rin asked, watching the younger teen pace the floor in front of him while still reading his diary.

"I don't know!" Ai replied hastily.

"What happened?"

Ai stopped pacing, his eyes frantically scrolling across the page.

"Oi, Ai!" Rin called. "Talk to me!"

"I can't believe it..." Ai breathed.

Rin knew what was wrong, and his anxieties began to weigh on his chest. "Look, I think I know what you came across, so just calm down and let's talk about this."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ai looked up from the diary for the first time since Rin walked in.

"I thought it would be better if you came to it on your own," Rin replied.

"I-I just can't believe it," Ai repeated. "All this time. All this time I..."

"Are you going to be okay?" Rin asked, taking the diary in his hand and slipping it out of Ai's loosened grasp. A quick glance at the page made him smirk. "Damn, looks like I underestimated how much you liked my kissing."

"Why didn't you tell me we were a couple?" Ai whimpered, sitting down at his desk. He was breathing quickly and looked like he might start to cry.

"Hey, hey, calm down, why are you so worked up over this?" Rin asked, kneeling in front of him. "If you're not okay with dating me right now, that's fine, you don't have to cry over it."

"I've liked you for so long," Ai covered his face as the tears began to flow. "I've liked you all this time, and you actually confessed to me, and we've kissed, and were dating, and I- I actually _forgot_ about it." His words became broken with sobs. "How could I forget something like that?"

"Tch," Rin clicked his tongue. "That's what has you so upset?" He stood up and ruffled Ai's hair, his worries melting away. "As if a little amnesia would stop anything. I'm not mad at you for forgetting, and I wouldn't have given up on you either. So quit blubbering already."

"B-b-but, Rin-senpai," Ai wailed, standing up and burying his face in Rin's chest. "When I first woke up this morning I felt strange being in my own bed." His words were muffled, but Rin could understand him. "I thought for a second that I should be in your bed, but I shook it off because there was no way that could be right. But it is, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Rin replied softly, putting his arms around his boyfriend and kissing the top of his head. He couldn't hold back anymore, and he didn't see any reason why he ought to. "It's only been for a few nights, but it was already starting to feel natural to wake up with you beside me."

"I can't believe I don't remember!" Ai cried. "I want to remember your confession first-hand, I want to remember our first kiss, I want to know everything we've done together as a couple!"

"We haven't done that much," Rin chuckled. He brought his hand up and ran his fingers through Ai's hair.

"We've kissed!" Ai sniffled.

"Yeah,"

"And we were sleeping together!"

"Sure, but we never had sex or anything," Rin snorted.

"But we were still sleeping together, and you said we would take the next step after I got back, and-"

"You've read that far ahead?" Rin interrupted, leaning his head back to look at Ai.

Ai stopped crying and looked up at Rin. "You said we would take the next step... that wasn't in the diary, not where I read... I just remembered it. I remember it!" His eyes lit up. "I remember saying goodbye to you before I left for home. You had one hand on my cheek and the other around my waist when you said that, and then you kissed me!"

"That's right," Rin grinned. "You're remembering!"

"I remember the trip back home, and seeing my parents again, and I remember something before I left... Oh, what is it?" He screwed up his face in frustration. "Right! You got mad at me for keeping my desk so cluttered up, and insisted I bring some of my things home with me!"

"And did you?" Rin prompted.

"I did," Ai replied. "I brought back some of my books."

"Good, good, keep going," Rin smiled encouragingly. He watched Ai's tears dry from his eyes and was relieved to see a smile spread wide across his face as he remembered more and more.

"Rin-senpai?" Ai asked hesitantly.

"Hm?"

Ai put his hands on Rin's chest and brought his face close. "Kiss me."

Rin smiled, cupping Ai's head in his hand. He leaned in and gave Ai a soft, tender kiss, which he followed with a rougher, more passionate one. Ai's arms reached around his neck and held him there, while his own hands found their way down to Ai's back pockets.

"Rin-senpai," Ai giggled.

"Shh," Rin kissed him again and gave his ass a little squeeze.

"Hey!" Ai gasped.

"What, don't you like it?" Rin asked teasingly.

Ai blushed. "Yeah, but-"

Rin groped him again. "Well then, what's the problem?" He asked, then gave him a quick peck on this lips while he waited for an answer.

"The _problem_ is," Ai pulled away from him, his face bright red. "It's time to go and you're making me _hard_."

Now Rin was blushing. "Shit," he muttered. "I finally get to hold you again and it's time for school to start."

"Rin-senpai," Ai grabbed Rin's hand and interlaced their fingers. "I may not remember everything right now, but it makes me so, so happy that what I have remembered includes time I shared with you."

Rin rubbed his thumb over the back of Ai's hand. "Me too," he smiled. After another quick kiss, they parted, each hurrying to get dressed for school and grabbing snack bars to serve as breakfast while they walked.

In the evening, Ai continued to read from his diary, this time snuggled in Rin's embrace. He only made it a few pages in before being distracted by a gentle nibbling on his neck.

"Rin-senpai, you'll leave marks," Ai complained, setting the diary aside and turning around to face him.

"No I won't," Rin argued, leaning in to kiss along Ai's jaw. "Of course, if you wanted me to leave a mark, I could put it where no one would see," he smirked, pulling back to gauge Ai's reaction.

Ai's face went predictably red. "Cut it out," he pouted.

Rin sighed and leaned back. "Fine," he relented. "Go back to your reading, then."

Ai watched him curiously for a moment.

"What?" Rin cocked a brow at him. "Could it be that you- whoa!" Before Rin could finish his sentence, Ai brought himself up to straddle Rin, his hands slipping up under Rin's shirt. "Shit, Ai," Rin groaned under his touch. He welcomed his boyfriend's eager tongue into his mouth and brought his hands to the waistband of Ai's pants. Ai's hands rubbed across his chest, distracting him.

When Ai brought his hips down on Rin's with a little moan, there was no more holding back. Rin rocked forward, sitting them both upright, their legs wrapped around each other, and pressed hard against him.

"Rin-senpai," Ai moaned. He pulled Rin's shirt off and wrapped his arms around his neck. A forceful kiss from Rin made him feel weak. When Rin pulled Ai's shirt off and began fondling his chest, Ai started grinding harder into him."More," he cried.

Rin slid his hands into the back of Ai's pants, digging his fingers into his soft flesh. He held tight and thrust hard with his hips, his lips and tongue working mercilessly over one of Ai's nipples.

"Rin-senpai!" Ai gasped. "I can't, I'm gonna-"

Rin silenced him with a kiss, sloppy and passionate, then pushed him down onto his back. "Me too," he replied, his voice lower and huskier than usual. He thrust hard again and Ai's words became incoherent. Both of them panted sharply as they ground hard against each other. Ai came first, an unrestrained moan echoing through the room as he did. Rin immediately followed, burying his face in Ai's shoulder to muffle himself, though Ai could still hear him just fine.

"Wow," Ai panted.

"Yeah," Rin mumbled, his face still pressed into Ai's shoulder. "I'm pretty sure the neighbors know now, by the way."

"Sorry," Ai breathlessly apologized.

"You're so noisy," Rin teased playfully. He gave him a kiss on the cheek before sitting up. "C'mon, let's clean ourselves up."

After cleaning up and changing into pajamas, Rin climbed into bed, holding the sheet up for Ai. The sleepy teen slid in beside him, nuzzling his face against Rin's chest.

"Rin-senpai?" Ai asked, his breath warm on Rin's skin.

"Yeah?"

Ai gave him a tight squeeze. "Even if I never remember everything else, I'll always remember this."

Rin smiled and kissed him. "We'll make lots of new memories together," he promised, "and you can keep them all in your diary, so that one day we can look back and relive these moments together."

"That was so romantic, Rin-senpai," Ai giggled.

"Shut up," Rin blushed. He rolled onto his back and Ai rested his head on his chest.

"Goodnight," he whispered.

"G'night," Rin replied, ruffling Ai's hair and kissing the top of his head.


End file.
